Hi, I’m Gina Grant. I’ve been living with PMDD for 35 years—for many of those years going it mostly alone and in the dark. Dysphoria for 2 to 3 weeks each menstrual cycle, and there wasn’t any information around. There was no support. It didn’t even have a name—not in the mouths or minds of anyone I was talking to. So I fumbled through a discovery process over many years, putting the pieces of a pattern in place in my awareness and trying, of course, to make the most of my life in the midst of so much recurring inner trouble.

Some of my experiences include intense feelings of anger about the workings of the world, injustice, greed. Irrational fear and a sense of not being safe. Massive social anxiety. Mind fog that makes it difficult to plan things, make decisions or remember things. Under eating due to loss of appetite and disgust with strong flavors. Fatigue. Overstimulation. Irritability. Homebody-ness and discomfort with unfamiliar places and people.

Only recently did I learn that this pattern has a name and is a recognized disability due to its destabilizing impact. Imagine building a house on sand and the tide rolling in like clockwork to wash away the progress you’ve made, over and over and over. Maybe you don’t have to imagine it. Maybe you’re living it. Anyone who lives with PMDD is heroic for showing up again and again to make a go of it. I know I am. I mean, yeah, it has taken tremendous strength. I’ve worked doggedly to build lifestyle components that support me and find ways to feel better. And I’ve landed on some good ones that I want to share with you, so you can find out if they ease your PMDD experience, too. That’s why I created PMDD Corner. Welcome. I hope you find some comfort here.

In the early years, I lived swept up in the emotions and moods that came on, not realizing they were hormonally induced, just acting on them by dismantling the things in my life that seemed to be causing me so much discomfort. Ending relationships. Leaving jobs. Moving to different cities and states.

But eventually I realized that whatever it was that was ailing me, it was going with me wherever I went. So I started to look within for something I could change to find relief. The more I looked, the more ashamed I grew of my moods and the more unsettled I became by my inability to be consistent. I’d make a great connection with a new friend one day, make plans a week or two out to do something fun, and by the time the plans rolled around, be utterly exhausted, awkward, and a let down. Eventually I dimmed my light so as not to attract new friends and be a disappointment.

And you can imagine how that kind of pattern bodes for a screenwriting career in the film industry, where networking is the only possible path to a paying gig. In the dysphoria weeks, I couldn’t rely on myself to show up to a meeting with a film professional with confidence or even remember who I was, thanks to the mind fog. All the great things I could share about my accomplishments, values and vision—poof, gone. It came to the point, I just couldn’t talk at all to anyone who might be able to help me forward my career. I would just freeze and go blank.

And in my work as a spiritual teacher and entrepreneur, more of the same. I couldn’t be sure how I would show up to my group events—bright and welcoming like sometimes, or awkward and blank-headed like other times. I couldn’t be consistent with a daily social media presence due to the drops in my energy and how that effected my social demeanor, nor schedule events more than a month out with any certainty about what part of my cycle I’d be in.

But I tried and tried and tried. I meditated. I said affirmations. I made vision boards, asked better questions, replaced negative thoughts with positive ones. I cut sugar out of my diet for six years. And those things helped. A little. But the dysphoria returned every month and whittled down the gains I had made in the good weeks—in my career efforts, in my business efforts, in my self-trust, and especially in my sense of self-worth. I just felt I was failing over and over again to be a positive person, to be a successful person, to take charge of my destiny and implement Law of Attraction strategies properly. Ugh—it was sooooo painful and exhausting.

But I’m doing a few things differently now and it’s helping.

#1 COMFORT – One way or another, I think everything we do is an attempt to find comfort, even “getting out of our comfort zones,” which brings the comfort of feeling like you’re doing the work it takes to have something good happen. But for those of us with dysphoria, we don’t need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. That happens whether we like it or not. Every month. Like clockwork. What we need is to get into our comfort zones. And the new part of this for me is that I’m allowing a focus on comfort to be a valid, worthwhile, and productive use of my time. As someone raised with a “hard work” ethic, being productive is a compulsion that I’ve had to deprogram and redefine, and now that I’m allowing grace into my spiritual universe, those gains are finally reaching me in the spiritual department. And that makes me feel safe to say… Comfort is good. My comfort is important. My time is well spent on comfort.

#2 GRACE – I’ve already been talking about this, and I just want to say a little more… allowing for grace, or the spiritual promise of blessings without having to work for or earn them, means I don’t have to be vibrationally perfect to be provided for and have good things happen in my life. Grace is a higher spiritual force than that of vibrational magnetism, and allowing it into my sense of things is making a difference. I’m finding myself comforted and supported in times of dysphoria, rather than terrified that my low vibration is ruining my chances of having the beautiful things I dream of in my life.

#3 LISTENING – I’m listening to myself. Instead of spiritually bypassing my feelings and anything that lands in the low vibration category, I’m listening. This alone is such a needed form of comforting that I can give myself. And when I can listen with intention—listen with the purpose of healing the suffering and restoring myself to the beautiful truth about me and my life, then authentic movement happens. Then shift happens in a deeper way than when I just push the bad thoughts away. And it happens faster. It’s exhausting to keep trying to bypass a troubled state of mind that just won’t let up. All the breathwork. All the affirming thoughts. All the visualization. It just doesn’t get me any movement sometimes. Sometimes I just need to be heard. So I hear myself. And then when the suffering starts to budge, that’s when I help it along with the breathwork and the affirming thoughts and the visualization. Or better yet for me, I help it along with an intentional song.

#4 PLAY – Ok, if you know me you know that play is not new to me or my work, but I have discovered an interesting thing in all of my years of watching this PMDD pattern and trying to find relief from the dysphoria—childlike activities sometimes soothe me. PMDD is correlated with childhood trauma and it’s likely that those child parts of me that are still living in trauma are coming forth during the dysphoria days and that they’re finding relief in the moments when I am doing just the right childlike activity to suit them. What suits them? Arts and crafts. Sewing colorful things. Being silly. Playing make-believe. Mini-golf. Twirling.

Symbol of the Month

One thing that I absolutely love doing for comfort around PMDD is getting a symbol of the month from the tea leaves. And I’m not talking about a calendar month. I’m talking about a biocycle month. My biocycle month goes like this: Day 1 is when my period starts, and I’m usually still in some dysphoria until Day 4. Then I’m in the lightness phase with good energy, outlook, and mental sharpness until about Day 18 when the dysphoria begins again and lasts again until Day 4. I have found that getting a symbol of the month within a few days of starting my period helps me—really really helps me. It’s hard to say why. I feel like it puts my coming month in a container that is spiritually supported. I feel like it witnesses and validates my experience. And I know I’m going to see my symbol at least once somewhere out in the world or in my home during the month, and when I do it’s going to have a supportive message for me and remind me that I have spiritual support working behind the scenes for me. So it just makes me feel cared for.

I can, of course, break out the tea leaves and get a symbol for myself each month, but I get so much more out of it when the reading comes from a caring healer. That is why I have created some ways that work with my biocycle for me to be there for you, to hold your soul in my care for a reading. I provide email and instant download readings all throughout the month. I may also provide pop-up Zoom readings from time to time.